There are a lot of books for planning weddings! I’m only going to mention my top favorites.
A book aimed specifically at interfaith weddings is, Celebrating Interfaith Marriage by Rabbi Devon Lerner. I wouldn’t be recommending this book if I thought it suggested watering down EVERYONE’s traditions. Rabbi Lerner walks you through the wedding traditions for both Jewish and Christian ceremonies. I encourage you to review all of them together. Discuss which ones speak to you, not your parents or friends, to you. I believe that your wedding will probably be a compromise with your family’s expectations but it should be the last time you put the extended family before your new nuclear family. Reading about the meaning of various customs can help you see ‘your’ cultural practice through the eyes of those who do not practice it. It will also help you to understand the power behind your partner’s customs.
A modern book on Jewish weddings is Anita Diamant’s The New Jewish Wedding. She has only a few pages specifically on an interfaith wedding but the book is a good overview and the pages on intermarriage are worth reading. You can get the book from the library (ask for an interlibrary loan if your library doesn’t have a copy) just to browse through it.***
An OLD book and favorite because it is so complete is The Jewish Wedding Book. There is nothing about interfaith weddings in it. But if you want to review all the traditions around Jewish weddings this works well as a primer.
This book, by Lilly S. Routtenberg and Ruth R. Seldin, is ‘a practical guide to the traditions and social proprieties of the Jewish wedding.’ Can’t you just picture these ladies in white gloves? This is a very thorough book. I loved the suggestions for what you can have engraved on your wedding rings. (Note to the ladies, traditional Jewish rings have no markings! At all!) Trust me, they cover everything.