A couple often breathes a sigh of relieve when they decide what their target is – THIS is the religion we want for our child. But I want that sigh to be both for the joy of having a shared goal and for accepting that you can’t actually determine your child’s future religion/culture/identity. Every child deserves a foundation and that is what you are now aiming to do. But remind each other that your child will surprise you again and again and their religious choices may be one of the surprises.
So, you say, what’s the point! What are we to do? Your children are watching you with love and admiration. You are the most interesting thing, after themselves, in their lives. What you DO is what shapes them. If you drop them off at religious school or piano lessons or soccer practice to dash off and do what you really enjoy, they will know. They may or may not enjoy their assigned activity but they will notice what draws your interest and attention.
Have you seen toddlers when their parents are on the phone? Boy, do they want that phone. You can tell a child, ‘you need to read a half hour a night’ but then you watch TV, they know what real entertainment is.
Have you noticed that the children of athletes are interested in sports, that musicians have musical children, that readers raise readers?
If you want a child to be Jewish – or any other religion – you have to role model that it’s a good thing to be. So good that you spend time doing it.
A friend went to a Star Trek convention and sent me the above photo. Will the happy Trekkie mom have a Trekkie kid? It is not guaranteed, but her child will certainly know that Star Trek is darn fun. He’s see that it is worth spending time and money on, worth making a costume, flying to conventions, spending hours putting on an elaborate mask. Why do people stand for 45 minutes in line at Disneyland? Because it’s worth it to them!
Sit down with your partner. Ask yourselves – what do you want? What are you willing to spend time and money on? Be honest with each other. Don’t be a horse trying to raise a fish.