My friend’s 4 year old son made a request for a toy in a store to which my friend said, “We don’t have money for this.” Her little boy cheerfully replied, “You can get money from the wall.” Ah, yes, the trusty ATM.
Money is a difficult concept for children on many levels. When my own children were small I knew that “giving” was a confusing topic. Rather than talk about money I showed them the Heifer Inc. catalog. Heifer gives goats, chicks, goats, seeds, bees and other concrete items. These were things my little ones could understand. We looked through the catalog and considered what we thought would be useful – and frankly, fun – to give. My kids leaned towards chicks and bees one year. Another year it was trees and shovels.
Every faith tradition teaches us to care for others. The Heifer project has no religious affiliation. So it is up to you as a parent to imbue the giving with your religious teachings. For a Jewish family it is tzedakah, for a Christian family it is called charity.
A definition of Tzedakah from Wikipedia:
Tzedakah is a Hebrew word meaning “righteousness”, but commonly used to signify charity. This concept of “charity” differs from the modern Western understanding of “charity”. The latter is typically understood as a spontaneous act of goodwill and a marker of generosity; tzedakah is an ethical obligation.
Reading this differentiation can help you clarify how the same universal value becomes Jewish or another faith.
For a human being the “why” of an action they take makes it uniquely theirs. Yes, it’s nice to be kind, period. But knowing that you are part of a community taking a particular action gives you a sense of the strength and intensifies the meaning and reward of your action. I urge you to give that to your children. Simply connecting a value to their community and their identity will give them joy and a sense of belonging.
Belonging to a community of belief and practice provides comfort and eases anxiety. It supports people in times of trouble. I’ve been watching a young man who is going through the death of his father as he posts his thoughts on Facebook. His parents were members of a synagogue all his life. He didn’t feel he was “friends” with all these old folk, but they cherish him as the child of their friend. He has received constant messages that continue after the funeral.
It can feel hard to define the value of belonging to a spiritual/cultural community. But here are the things I hope you will recognize from these stories.
Charity/Giving can be imbued with a perspective that reflects one’s identity. It can help you to understand the different ways that OTHERS perceive that same value. Connecting charitable actions to a religious/cultural source can build a sense of self and of belonging to something greater. Belonging to a community of practice/faith offers ongoing and often invisible strength and support.