“Judaism is a communal tradition.” But what does that mean?
Living in America which has an individualist tradition it can be difficult to fully understand what “communal” means.
You can be WHATEVER you want in the privacy of your own home, but to join with a community requires compromise. I urge couples and families to find a shul that most closely suits them, but not to expect to find a group of people who think just as they do. That means compromise. A synagogue should function as an extended family. The community cares for you in times of joy and sorrow. They celebrate your wedding, your children’s arrival and life cycle events. They bring food when you are sick and sit shiva with you when you have a loss. In return you do these things for others in the community. When it comes to prayer liturgy, kashrut, and practices in the shul you all compromise.
When finding and establishing your community remember that no two people think exactly alike. (Consider the differences you have with your own partner.) It is a guarantee that your fellow congregants will not be in lockstep with your opinions. The beauty of difference of opinion is that, in community, we are pushed to listen, understand and compromise. We are best served if we come to see that, in most cases, ours is an opinion, not The Truth.
I love what Rabbi Milder of Beth Emek in Pleasanton wrote to his congregation that illuminates this idea:
Religion is what happens when people take their spiritual values and commit to working on them together. Admittedly, some religions put their emphasis on the personal dimension. Nothing wrong with that. Judaism clearly gets the personal part of religious life: the kavanah, the intentionality that we bring to prayer.
But, Judaism is, at its heart, a communal faith. We live out our spiritual lives in community.
Now, I can be happy as a clam if I never need to negotiate spiritual values with anyone else. I just won’t get much further than a clam. (No insult intended toward bivalves).
Ah, but when we come together, there is something greater, something transcendent, that only happens in moments of meeting.
You might think that spirituality is all about what happens in worship. I think differently. Spirituality is the expression of our collective efforts to reach for the most meaningful, ethical, compassionate community that we can create.