(Image of a chuppah available for rental at Afikomen)
It’s the very end of June – a favorite month for weddings in America – and I received an email from Afikomen titled, Easy Chuppah Rentals, Home Gifts and Breaking Glasses. I decided to write to you about weddings this week.
Let’s start with some rarely talked about facts:
You don’t need a rabbi for a Jewish wedding. The rabbi’s role can be performed by any knowledgeable Jew because the job is to execute the marriage contract correctly. You can certainly have a rabbi if you prefer – I did – but know that others can help you out here.
The chuppah – wedding canopy – is not halachically required. But who wouldn’t want that!? Chuppahs can be hard to come by. If you are getting married in a synagogue they may have a chuppah you can use. Someone you know may want to make one for you. Some people use a large tallit. Or you can rent one at places like Afikomen.
A ketubah – wedding contract – is halachically required. This item IS the contract that binds the legality of the wedding. You can have one that is very simple and inexpensive or you can buy a beautiful one and hang it in your home – that’s what I did. Afikomen has a “Weddings” page on their website and they provide a link to their online affiliate Judaic Connection. There are other online ketubah makers like ketubah.com.
Breaking a glass is not required, but it is such a staple of Jewish weddings that you probably want it. BUT, do NOT break a real glass! Some of them are very sturdy and you could break your foot before you break it. Many folks use a light bulb wrapped in a cloth napkin because it makes a very satisfying pop. But a new practice has come along, one of using a fragile, beautiful glass whose shards you save and put in an artistic container. You can see some here.
Officiants
People have asked me, why don’t you just post a list of the people you know who will officiate at an interfaith wedding and let people contact them directly?
For a number of reasons –
First, I want to speak with the couple, I find that they inevitably have questions and may be shy about their concerns. They need and deserve reassurance. They also deserve honest answers. If there are some minefields ahead I would rather talk about them together and develop some strategies.
Second, not every officiant is right for every couple. As they tell me about themselves and what kind of wedding they want it can become clear that some officiants on my list are not a good match.
Third, I give them suggestions for how to approach the interview, how to get in and get out of the conversation.
Fourth, I encourage them to give me feedback on how the interviews went. If they have a serious complaint I want to know about it.
Don’t be shy about calling me. Everybody does. I believe strictly in two things – kindness and honesty, especially kindness. We just discuss what you’re looking for, what you’ve tried so far and what are the options out there.
Wedding Books
I got married a long time ago and my favorite wedding book is the one I used, The Jewish Wedding Book, was written by a mother and daughter, by Lilly Routtenberg and Ruth Seldin in 1967. I like knowing ALL the details so my choices are informed and what I chose not to do is intentional, not ignorance. I think you’d have to go to ebay to get it. But it is friendly and explanatory book.
Another good one is, Celebrating Interfaith Marriages, by Rabbi Devon Lerner. It was recommended to me by a Christian bride who, like me, wanted to know all the little details.
You’ve probably heard of Anita Diamant, author of several Jewish wedding books and the novel, The Red Tent. Her most recent wedding book is The Jewish Wedding Now was recommended to me and I plan to get a copy. I believe it will be similar to previous wedding books and those are good as well.
EVENTS
Israeli Dancing (San Jose)
Shabba-BBQ (San Rafael)
Erev Shabbat Summer Outdoor Service (Los Altos Hills)
Art as a Way Through Grief & Loss (San Rafael)
Fun-tastic Friday with Sean’s Music Factory (Palo Alto)
Sinai Green Accessible Havdalah Hike (Oakland)
Israeli Dancing
Great exercise! Great fun! Great chance to meet new people! Put on your dancin’ shoes and come to our free Israeli dance class! This week, Loui Tucker will be leading the class. No dance experience necessary and we welcome everyone from the community to join in the fun.
Date: Tuesday, July 1
Time: 7:30 – 9:00pm
Place: Temple Emanu-el, 1010 University Ave., San Jose
Sign up here
Shabba-BBQ
July 4th and 1st Friday go hand-in-hand this year! Celebrate both in community; with a festive BBQ dinner (sign up to bring a non-dairy side dish to share).
There will be outdoor games (cornhole, anyone?) and all are welcome, so bring your friends and family!
Bring an instrument if you play, or just listen to Shabbat Unplugged into the evening.
5pm: Jr. Jews
5:45pm: Pre-Oneg
6:15pm: Shabbat Services*
Community BBQ Dinner & Shabbat Unplugged to follow
Date: July 4
Time: Starts at 5pm
Place: Rodef Sholom, 170 North San Pedro Road, San Rafael and Virtual
RSVP FOR POTLUCK
Erev Shabbat Summer Outdoor Service
Join us for Kabbalat Shabbat services in our beautiful Outdoor Chapel. In July and August, as is the Beth Am tradition, the divrei Torah will be given by Beth Am members or invited guests.
Please be sure to bring your own water bottle, sunscreen and hat, as needed.
After the service we will gather on the Social Hall Patio for a Dessert Oneg!
Date: Friday, July 4
Time: 6:15 – 7:30pm
Place: Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills
Details
Art as a Way Through Grief & Loss
Artists Sarah Cohen and Ellen Weinstein will join Rabbi Elana Rosen-Brown and Rabbi Alyson Solomon to talk about how art can get us through the toughest of times. We will hear from artists whose works are part of our exhibit Jewish Artists on Mental Health, on display in the JCC Gallery from July 6, 2025 – September 28, 2025. Then, together, we will study a bit of Jewish wisdom on grief, loss and explore themes of art and wholeness. Come add your voice and experience to the conversation. Melodies, tea and treats provided to keep things cozy.
Date: Wednesday, July 16
Time: 3:00 pm–4:15 pm
Place: Osher Marin JCC, 200 North San Pedro Road, San Rafael
Free, all are welcome.
Register here
Fun-tastic Friday with Sean’s Music Factory
Join us for Friday family fun as we sing and dance to welcome the weekend with Sean’s Music Factory at the Oshman Family JCC. This FREE event will be a blast for the whole family!
Sean Mendelson, aka “Teacher Sean” is a singer/songwriter, recording artist and Music Together/Kids Sing Teacher. The band, Sean’s Music Factory, is made up of Sean Mendelson, Puppet Sean and the audience. Yes, that means you!
For families with children under 6.
Date: Friday, July 18
Time: 4:15-5:15pm
Place: Oshman Family JCC, 3921 Fabian Way Palo Alto
Free
Details
Sinai Green Accessible Havdalah Hike
We’ll follow a paved path to a picnic area for a short musical service followed by potluck snacks. Please bring food or drink to share if you are able. Please register so we can meet your needs and plan appropriately, or contact you in case we need to cancel or provide additional information. Directions and specific location will be sent upon registration
Date: Saturday, July 19
Time: 5:30pm
Location Provided Upon Registration
Sponsored by Temple Sinai, 2808 Summit St., Oakland
Register here