The month we just entered is Cheshvan or Marcheshvan. The prefix “mar” is typically translated as bitter, meaning that this month is bitter because it contains no holidays. However, “mar” also means drop, as in a drop of water. Here it refers to the beginning of the rainy season.
I never find Cheshvan to be bitter. After an avalanche of holidays and rituals, I find a month that holds only Shabbat to be restorative. Additionally, here in perpetually drought-threatened California, I welcome the rain.
What to do in this quiet month?
We just observed Yom Kippur, the Sabbath of Sabbaths. At its core is Teshuvah. Teshuvah is typically translated as “repentance” or “return”. I have always struggled with this concept.
First, repentance. In our communal prayers we confess to an alphabet of wrongdoing and, what I have always felt was implied, we make a commitment to not repeat them. Reality: I know I will repeat most of them. I know I will be right back HERE next Yom Kippur. That feels pointless.
Second, return. Really? Return to what? Return to some mystical biblical perfection – of which matriarch/patriarch? They are all flawed.
So, old as I am, a veteran of decades of Yom Kippurs, can I come away feeling renewed? Turns out, I CAN! I studied, right before Yom Kippur, with a beloved rabbi who gave me 5 “fast steps to teshuvah”.
Here is the first one: JUST OWN IT.
Look at your transgression; don’t deny it. In your own heart just acknowledge that you did it. Hello God/Universe/Justice/Truth, I am a:
Rude driver. I rush in, cut off, slide through. Yup, that was me.
Sarcastic two faced friend. I speak ill behind backs, I believe I am pretty much always right and I let it be known by my caustic retorts.
Liar. I tell people what I think they want to hear. I judge them but never open a meaningful dialogue. Honesty is an option, not a requirement.
Bad listener. I don’t really listen to the stupid boring people in my life. I offer “umhums” to fill in the pauses and get away as fast as possible. Again, no point in initiating a meaningful conversation, after all, they’re dumb compared to me.
Procrastinator. I don’t mean to be, but I just can’t get started. It means things don’t get done; I have to come up with excuses, I hesitate to volunteer because I can’t really handle more than what I am already avoiding.
Judge of others. I’m basically the definition of right. Other people’s ideas stink. They can listen to me if they want to get it right. I don’t question myself.
___________ Your flaw here.
OK, so you are not going to work on this issue today, or tomorrow. But you can, as a first step, admit to yourself (and whatever greater Truth you subscribe to) that you make mistakes and you even know what they are.
Don’t put this off because you think you should be punished or judged for it. Nope, just get straight with yourself and your greater Truth. Stop gaslighting YOURSELF.
As Socrates said: KNOW YOURSELF. (We are still talking about Socrates so he must have some Truths to offer.) Now go and DO.