This week Rabbi Milder’s congregational email comments on the Jewish mindset of Elul. It is the month that leads us into the High Holidays. Its tone is often subdued. We are about to approach God to ask for forgiveness for our past missteps (the Hebrew word does not translate as “sin” but as “missing the mark”). Typically this has elements of solemnity, worry and even guilt. Yes, we should look at ourselves to determine how we can improve, but is this a time of anxiety? No.
Rabbi Milder writes:
Forgiveness or Affection?
The Jewish month of Elul has been interpreted as an acronym, representing the verse from Song of Songs, Ani l’dodi v’dodi li, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”
We speak of Elul as a month of preparation for the High Holy Days, a time to figure out what is on our atonement list. Did we speak an unkind word? Fail to show our concern for another? Come up short in our own expectations of ourselves?
There is another way to think of Elul, though. It is a time to recognize our deep affection for one another: I am yours. You and I, we are walking this path together. Ani l’dodi v’dodi li.
The two understandings go hand in hand. We do a better job of taking account of our own failures when we know that we are unconditionally loved. And, we are more sincere in our relationships when we are honest about our weaknesses.
These weeks, we use a siddur for the month of Elul, Mishkan HaLev, “Sanctuary of the Heart.” As we pray together, we hope to find the affection that will strengthen us, make us courageous, better friends, better partners, and better humans on a journey toward wholeness.
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At High Holiday services we seek to improve our behavior with our fellow humans and also with God.
Last night I studied with a friend of mine, an Orthodox rabbi who happened to bring up the same topic and also to refer to the acronym of Elul as a relationship between beloveds. In Rabbi D’s case he delved into the relationship we each have with the Divine. Are we in conversation? Are we paying attention?
In daily terms I heard this as where is my focus? When I have a moment do I whip out my phone? Or do I take a moment to notice that I have a rose in bloom, a friend coming over, a child calling me, a friend who needs a loving word. How do I spend my most precious possession: TIME. Is an entire evening taken up with watching TV or playing video games? Would it be more rewarding to call my friend who is fighting cancer or my sister who is excited about her new puppy? Remember the biblical verse, From where comes my help? (Psalms 121:1) How about, From where comes my joy? Usually my joy comes from things God gave me: lunch with a dear friend, successful projects, birdsong, hugs, giving my neighbors a harvest from my Meyers lemon tree, surprising someone with a random loaf of homemade bread.
If your greatest happiness is a trip to Paris, a new electric truck, your team winning the championship, your happiness with be less accessible and less frequent than mine, and certainly less than you deserve.
Consider using this Elul to notice the people who love you, who light up when you come in the room. Think of what has been given to you – good neighbors? Health? A house with a real floor? All the books you want? I bet you have a LOT.
Yes, apologize for hurts you have caused. I am always stunned by how far an apology can go.
If you believe in some iteration of a Creator from whom our blessings flow, send your love and gratitude.