Making Wedding Plans in an Interfaith Relationship

Current culture seems determined to make weddings hellish. Bridezilla anyone? Add an interfaith component and you can make things confusing and difficult. But it doesn’t need to be that way. NOT AT ALL.

If you are marrying someone from a different religion and background there are some steps you can take to get off on the right foot.

1. Discuss what you want your home to be like after you’re married. If you have agreed that you’ll have a Jewish (or Christian) home it can be easier to concede some wedding traditions from the dominant faith for the sake of family peace in your ceremony.

2. Discuss how you want any potential children raised. Remember that this conversation is intended to develop a road map. No one truly knows how they will raise their child until that child is in their arms. And sometimes not even then.

3. With a picture of the future, now you can face the present challenge: the wedding.

4. Read one or more wedding books. I suggest these

5. Ask yourselves what you each want. Divide those items into 3 lists:
a) MUST HAVE or I’ll die
b) would like to have but I can negotiate
c) it’s a thought but I’m not attached to it.
Compare lists. Are you able to find common ground?

6. What are the things that feel like wedding custom to you and you want it – jump the broom? Break the glass? Light a candle? These are customs, not laws. See how many of these feel just fine to both of you.

7. Now is a good time to call me, Dawn, to discuss your MUST HAVES and we can see if they are do-able. If one of your must-haves is a rabbi to officiate, we need to discuss things like the time and day of your wedding. (Most rabbis will not officiate on the Jewish Sabbath.)

8. What are the hardest things to accomplish in an interfaith wedding with one Jewish partner?
a. Getting a rabbi to perform your wedding on the Jewish Sabbath (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday)
b. Marrying in a church.
c. Co-officiation between Jewish and Christian clergy.
Are they impossible? No. But they do require more time to plan and I’m going to want you to be sure you know what you’re getting.

Call me! 510-845-6420 x11