A big question for many interfaith parents is HOW to give their child a Jewish identity, or even simply sufficient knowledge to choose a Jewish identity. Research has found that there are three key elements.
Jewish Education. If you don’t know how Judaism works, how to “do” Judaism, you can’t very well feel that it is a choice. I may want to be a pianist, but if I’ve never played the piano it is hard to claim that identity. What does a Jewish education entail? It needs to be ongoing because at every stage of life your child is more and more about to understand the nuance of Jewish teachings and practices. I love going to a Cinco de Mayo festival, but I don’t speak Spanish, I can’t join in folkdances, I am only familiar with the culture, the cuisine, the music from an observer’s stance. I don’t OWN that knowledge.
Many bilingual couples raise their children with two languages. This gives the child an accent less speech as well as a grasp of the language in its native meaning, not a translation. Right now the Odyssey is back in the public eye. Have you read it? Do you think you understand it the way Homer’s audience did? Do you get all the references to actions of various gods?
How comfortable to you want your child to be “in” Judaism?
Your child must KNOW in order to DO.
Jewish Home Practices. Anyone can read a book describing a family doing Shabbat. Most likely we have all seen Golde reciting the Shabbos blessings in Fiddler on the Roof. It is a world of difference to have performed the rituals of Shabbat in your own home. It stops being an observable performance and becomes a part of one’s experience.
Do you want your child to be comfortable in Jewish environments, in the homes of Jews? Then Jewish practices need to feel familiar
It has to BELONG to the child.
Jewish Friends. Watching adults doing things doesn’t make them things that children do or have an affinity for. Watching adults climb telephone poles, give shots, construct buildings, repair electrical sockets doesn’t make a child believe this is an activity for children. Knowing other children who observe the Jewish holidays, recognize Hebrew letters, say a blessing before lighting Shabbat candles makes these actions commonplace for kids.
Let me tell you a true story. An Italian friend lived with her parents and her son here in the US. All three adults spoke to him in Italian and he understood perfectly, but he never spoke a word of Italian. One summer they took a trip to Italy to visit family. Her son, age six, went out in the street to play with the Italian children. He immediately began speaking in Italian. When he came in she asked him, “Why did you speak Italian to them? You’ve never spoken it before.” He replied, “I thought only old people spoke it.”
Friends deeply influence your child. Having Jewish friends will affirm that they can belong to this group.
Honestly, you may now be thinking, that’s fine, but how the heck do we do that? Our circumstances are XYZ and I don’t see how we can make that happen. No, problem, life doesn’t come with a How-to Manual, but I can help. Please remember that no two families are the same. You may gain useful information from friends, but you may also need to fine tune choices to match your own family.