My friends, this post is aimed at ADULTS WHO WERE RAISED BY INTERFAITH PARENTS. I’m asking that they read and respond. If you are not an adult raised in an interfaith family, you can share your thoughts with me, but the will not be added to the data.
TO ALL ADULTS FROM INTERFAITH FAMILIES
I recently received an email from The Collaborative for Applied Studies in Jewish Education (CASJE) sending me a study titled, Children of intermarriage: Why they matter for the future of American Jewry. I got excited. Were there studies addressing the needs of children from interfaith families in Jewish education!? Well, you can color me STUPID; the answer is no.
In that flash of hope I thought people were finally addressing the experiences of the population they studied. Instead they address three questions.
Question 1: What proportion of American Jews has one Jewish parent?
Question 2: What do we know about people with one Jewish parent?
Question 3: What are the main obstacles to integrating interfaith Jews in Jewish communities?
I’ve been reading this literature for 20 years so I didn’t see anything “new” but it’s a good summary of the data.
Let me address the 3 questions.
Question one: what percent of American Jews has one Jewish parent?
First, we have the issue of defining who is a “Jew”. I’m content to just say, A LOT, probably more than half of the Jews under 25 have one Jewish parent. I believe that is “enough” that we should be actively exploring the question of what is working, what isn’t.
My respected colleague, Bruce Phillips, is described in the study:
Bruce Phillips, a leading scholar of Jewish interfaith marriage, has suggested using the term single Jewish ancestry for individuals with two Jewish parents and mixed Jewish ancestry for those with one Jewish and one non-Jewish parent.
I find this quite confusing. I hear single Jewish ancestry as only Jewish ancestry. PLEASE let me know your thoughts. Is this confusing?
I honestly am finished talking about numbers. I’m ready to talk about the emotions, experiences and impacts on this population.
Question two: What do we know about people with one Jewish parent?
This section explores what adults from interfaith families (AFIF) do, to what extend do they “do Jewish”? What they do is important, but I am even more interested in why they do it. The study notes that several facts they believe lead to Jewish actions without spelling them out explicitly. They mentioned that Dr. Phillips shows that “Jewish education can have a meaningful impact on the sense of belonging”. They point out that young adults who have gone on Birthright Israel trips are more engaged.
Studies have found there are Three Pillars of Jewish Identification.
Jewish Education – you can’t practice Judaism if you haven’t learned what it is. As a 5000+ year old tradition there is a lot to learn. In order to feel competent a person must feel they fit in educationally with their peers.
Jewish Home Practice – behaving Jewishly is modeled, like so much of human behavior, after what the family does. Reading about lighting candles is nice, but actually lighting them is far more important to acquiring a sense of competence. Home practice makes behaviors feel normal and attainable. This is especially important when the outside world doesn’t DO or THINK like a Jew.
Jewish Friends – Children who see their adults performing rituals need to see that these rituals are meant for kids too. They want to fit into their own age group. Having friends who also observe Shabbat and know what common Hebrew words mean allows a child to feel normal. It helps to instill the sense that these practices are meant for them too.
In this section, getting to know about individuals with one Jewish parent would require data from the voices of AFIF. There will not be one story, one perspective. Multiple voices and experiences will expand the Jewish community’s understanding of these, our children.
I want to thank those of you who have participated in interviews with me. Your voices had informed and influenced me. If you have not participated and want to, just email me, dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org.
Question three: What are the obstacles to welcoming interfaith couples?
Frankly, this horse was beaten to death quite some time ago. And then times changed. Current studies have found that interfaith couples are much more readily welcomed into synagogues throughout the US.
MUCH more importantly, the COUPLES/PARENTS should not be the topic of this paper. The real question is what are the obstacles to welcoming the ADULT children? There are adults trying to explore and maybe enter Jewish community with varying degrees of Jewish competence. How are they being supported, taught and integrated into community?
My friends, your voices need to be amplified. I don’t want to waste time arguing that the scholars and sages should chance Halacha, I want to get explicit about how individuals and organizations can support Adults from interfaith families.
I want you to email me at least ONE suggestion that has or would make a difference for you. Thank you.