Father and Son

Happy Father’s Day to all you Dads – Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Lutheran, Atheist, Pagan, whatever and whoever you are! I rejoice that I get to be on this journey with you — as you make your relationship strong, articulate the core values you want to teach your children, give back to the world around you. I am proud to know you.

I hope you get a bit of pampering and a lot of love this Sunday.

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A volunteer for the Jewish Literacy Coalition reads with a young boy

Finding Meaning in Life
If you asked the proverbial Man on the Street, where can you go to find Jews? The most common answer would be, a synagogue. But statistically you’d be better off going to a food pantry or a homeless shelter. The reason for that is that more Jews volunteer than join synagogues. Whether a Jew self defines as religious or spiritual, secular or just Jewish, they are highly likely to define their Judaism in terms of actions. Those actions are usually about repairing the world.

How do you define your Jewishness?
Does it include actions like feeding the hungry, collecting coats for the homeless, reading to kids in underperforming schools and donating to save an endangered species? I won’t lose any money when I say, I bet it does.

And what of the non-Jewish partners? Do-gooders stick together. I’ve noticed that the Christians, atheists, Buddhists and Hindus who come through my office are teachers, civil rights attorneys, nurses, and social workers by profession — and volunteers by inclination. All of you regularly impress me with your good works.

Here is one of those universal meeting places for interfaith couples and families – go out and do good things together. You may not be able to agree just yet on how you’re going to handle the December holidays, but you can agree that an afternoon making sandwiches at a feeding site makes you feel good.

A young couple I know has gotten involved in fighting human trafficking. They came through a Building Jewish Bridges class, went on to join a synagogue. When they decided to fight slavery they had a community willing to support them. Their congregation, Netivot Shalom in Berkeley, is hosting an event they are working on. When you ask yourself, why join a synagogue, one answer is, because they will help you change the world.

Here is Carly and Matt’s program. Read on below to see other ways to participate in Jewish venues for Tikkun Olam, Repairing the World.

Human Trafficking: Global. Local. Stoppable.
From distant quarries to nearby restaurants, seedy massage parlors to sprawling plantations, the great evil of slavery is alive and well in our world. According to experts in the field, there are about 27 million slaves today.
Join Netivot Shalom as they host a night with Free is a Verb co-founders Nate and Laura Davis and several Bay Area organizations devoted to eradicating modern-day slavery. The Davises are soon to embark on a year-long visit to the Philippines in an effort to fight human trafficking, but there are many ways you can help locally. This event will include a description of the Davises’ work for the coming year, plus information from various Bay Area organizations committed to fighting human trafficking. Please join us for a night of light refreshments and loads of information.

Date: June 17
Time: 7:30 pm
Place: Netivot Shalom Social Hall, 1316 University Ave., Berkeley
Admission is free. Contributions are appreciated
More information at freeisaverb.org

Bayview Connect
Almost a quarter of the population in the Bayview neighborhood is living below the national poverty level. Bayview has the 2nd highest number of people experiencing homelessness in San Francisco. Bayview is also home to many youth who are in the foster care system. Foster care youth are at high risk of becoming homeless; 50% who age out of foster care experience homelessness within the first two years.

This is the 3rd year bringing Project Homeless Connect to the Bayview. Come join in collaboration with Honoring Emancipated Youth, United Council for Human Services, Bayview Hunters Point Foundation and hundreds of others to help bring services to this community!

Date: June 11
Time: 9:30 am – 3:30 pm
We need your help.To volunteer visit- http://www.projecthomelessconnect.com/volunteer/

HaMotzi
We prepare and deliver nutritious meals to homeless shelters every Sunday.

Next Sunday will be June 13
Newman Kitchen at Sherith Israel, 2266 California St., San Francisco
www.sherithisrael.org

Volunteer Right In Your Own Workplace
Inspire a Middle School Student in Their Dream Job!
Congregation Emanu-El partners with Spark, which matches students with one-on-one apprenticeships in professions of their choice at local workplaces, and complements this with a rigorous leadership development curriculum. What is required? Take on a middle-school Apprentice who dreams of working in your profession and help them to re-engage in their education as they learn about their dream career! Students come to you for their apprenticeship, getting real-world, hands-on experience in your field. Recruiting For the Summer Session Now!

Jun. 17 – July 22, 2 x each week for ONLY 6 weeks in the early afternoon. Scheduling is flexible (Spark will work around your vacation)!

Contact Spark at volunteer@sparkprogram.org or (415) 626-5470 x111 with questions or to sign up! Spark Volunteers receive comprehensive training and support, free marketing on Spark’s website, and many opportunities to network with other Spark apprentice teachers.

Jewish Volunteer Day at St. Anthony’s Foundation
Join the Jewish community in a day of service and solidarity with the St. Anthony’s Foundation. Volunteers will begin with a discussion on St. Anthony’s advocacy efforts on behalf of San Francisco’s homeless and poor, after which they will offer hands-on service to St. Anthony’s clients. The day is a tailor-made experience created to educate and inspire and is offered exclusively to volunteers of Jewish Community Volunteer Day.

Thursday, June 17
9 a.m.-2 p.m.
Hosted by Jewish Community Relations Council

http://www.jcrc.org/commout_ccevents.htm

Caring Community Seeks New Volunteers
We need volunteers to join the ranks of the Caring Community. We are expanding our program of visiting homebound seniors beyond The Jewish Home. If you would like to spend a few minutes a month visiting a senior, please let us know.

You can also help by writing notes or calling bereaved families, visiting congregants who are recovering from illness or surgery or delivering a gift to families with new babies. Our Shabbat Dinner Chefs work in teams of two or three to prepare meals for families in times of need. Please contact the Caring Community by calling the temple or speaking with one of our volunteers.

If you are interested, please leave a message at (415) 751-2541, x116.
Emanu-el, 2 Lake St., San Francisco

Jewish Coalition for Literacy Trainings
JCL recruits, trains, places, and supports tutors in public elementary schools and after-school programs throughout the Bay Area.

Date: Tuesday, June 15
Time: 5:45 – 9:00 pm
Place: 131 Steuart St. #201 San Francisco (JUMA office)
For other Bay Area locations and to register, please visit www.jclread.org

East Bay Training:
Sunday June 13, 10 to 12:30
Jewish Federation, 300 Grand, Oakland
You must register at www.jclread.org

Temple Sinai in Oakland throws a birthday party once a month for the residents of Ursula Sherman Homeless Shelter.

http://oaklandsinai.org/community/social_action.php?page=19106

What about giving money? Read Rabbi Janet Marder’s thoughts on Giving:

http://www.betham.org/builder/?p=11814#more-11814

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Sometimes couples feel “stuck.” They’ve tried to negotiate but both of them have something they can’t let go of. Usually they are trying to be fair but there doesn’t seem to be a midpoint. It’s often a feeling of helplessness. “Stuck” means the two of you can’t fully commit to an agreed upon course of action. You’re doing a bit from each of your backgrounds. Neither of you is completely committed to or comfortable with your current approach, and you couldn’t articulate a mission statement about the future of your children.

What is most important in being “stuck” is that no one is getting what they want. Not you, not your partner, not your kids. No one is being put first, you’re all coming second and you all feel it. Spoken or unspoken, no one feels satisfied.

You may need to just sit with being stuck for a while. This may sound silly, but embrace it. Make it yours. Find the pluses, the wins. But don’t deceive yourself. What is it that YOU are getting? What are you getting to avoid? What is the pay off? What are you getting to do that you’re afraid you might lose if things shifted or changed? Don’t stymie yourself with guilt or blame.

In regard to your children, this isn’t about teaching your children that life is all about material possessions. So don’t retreat to the idea that this way they get twice as many gifts in December. That sounds like a payoff, not a value. Promote emotional health. Your home needs to be a nurturing environment for your children and YOU. The goal isn’t a home piled with stuff; it is a home full of contentment.

The most common reason for stuck-ness is the desire to be fair to your partner when you yourself don’t feel you can budge. “I can’t give up on xx, so how can I ask them to give up on yy.” I understand. Our very being can be wrapped up in something that we simply can’t see a way to let go of. So we have to acknowledge that our partner also has those feelings. Now what?

The first step is to acknowledge where you are. Then look for what it is that each of you is clinging to. Why are you so attached to it? Why is that thing/behavior/holiday/practice unacceptable to the other person?

Just have that conversation and then in a week, have it again. Call or email me. Let me give you some suggestions to approaching the conversation in new ways. Just start; break the log jam.

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A couple of interesting films coming right up.

For those who are living in an Asian Jewish family you are aware that these films are about European Jews who fled the Holocaust by going to China. Being a Chinese Jew in California do not mean tracing your ancestry to Shanghai.

A Place to Save Your Life
11:00 am
Juxtaposing interviews with survivors with archival photographs,
this film recounts the days when Jews lived in China under Japanese rule.
(Directed by Karen Shopsowitz. DVD, 1994, 52 minutes, English)

Shanghai Ghetto
2:00 pm
The film tells the story of the Jewish refugees in Shanghai, their relationships with the local Chinese and with the occupying Japanese army, the rich cultural life they constructed under great hardship, and the tragedy of their relatives who stayed behind in Europe.
(Directed by Dana Janklowicz-Mann and Amir Mann. DVD, 2002, 95 minutes, English, German, and Mandarin with English subtitles. Narrated by Academy Award Winner Martin Landau)

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The Jewish holidays have pretty well wrapped up and the summer stretches before us. What will you do over the summer? I have some suggestions.

Check out the synagogues
Do some shul shopping. Now with no pressure on, go to services, chat with a few people, see which places you like. That way, come fall, you’ll know where you want to go for High Holidays, where you want to sign up the kids for Hebrew school.

Try some Jewish Community Center programs
The JCCs have summer activities for kids and adults. Many of them have swimming pools too. Go online and google the name of your city and “JCC.” Then look at their website for classes and events.

Experiment with Shabbat
When my kids were younger we would do Shabbat at the park with another family. All four children liked soccer and we took soccer cones with us. We would have a game and then move over to the picnic tables to light the candles and begin dinner.

Volunteer
Recently I saw in the email from Rodef Sholom, “We urgently need help in feeding the homeless in our community!” You can help make sandwiches, drive seniors to appointments, read to a child. Call your local synagogue or Jewish Family and Children’s Services. They are involved in helping the community.

Do you have a skill that could help one of the many job seekers in the community? Many of the Jewish Family and Children’s Services offices are offering job workshops. Maybe you have skills you could perform to help them.

Summertime and the plants are growing
Do you live in the Lafayette area? Temple Isaiah has begin participating in a CSA project, Community Supported Agriculture. I asked and you don’t have to be a member to buy in. Look at the website and see if you want food direct from the farm.

http://www.temple-isaiah.org/groups-activities/community-supported-agriculture/

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Tonight is Shavuot and study sessions will take place at synagogues everywhere. You can read about the holiday, its history and traditions at www.myjewishlearning.com.

Tikkun Leyl Shavuot – A Community-wide Celebration and Night of Study
Join in a community celebration and night of Torah study, a spiritual journey bringing together Jews with varied perspectives and affiliations. Stay for an hour–or until dawn. We will be led in study by teachers from our diverse Jewish community.

Family Programming will be offered in the early evening. Children must be accompanied by at least one parent. Sessions include ages 2-5, K-2, and grades 3-6. No pre-registration is required.

Childcare will be offered for FREE for children ages 2 and up, following the family programming. There will be a sleeping room, and parents will be able to participate in the study session without their children in tow. Parents must pre-register and provide bedding. Parents may not leave the JCC while their children are in childcare.

Morning Torah Service will be offered at dawn–we will read the Ten Commandments from the Torah; additionally there will be an opportunity to join with the Wilderness Torah Shavuot trip to hear the 10 Commandments on the mountain.

Date: Tuesday, May 18
Time: 6:30pm – Dawn
East Bay JCC, 1414 Walnut St. , Berkeley
Cost: FREE

Sponsored by: Aquarian Minyan, B’Chol Lashon, UC Berkeley Hillel, Berkeley Midrash, The Center for Jewish Mystical Studies, Chochmat HaLev, Beth El, Beth Israel, Netivot Shalom, the East Bay Minyan, EcoJews of the Bay, EBJCC, JCHS, Jewish Gateways, Jewish Mosaic, Jewish Music Festival, Kehilla, PJA, GTU, Shalom Bayit, Beth Hillel, Wilderness Torah, Yeashore Community

Tikkun Leil Shavuot
Shavuot is traditionally considered to be the anniversary of the Giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai . Tikkun Leil Shavuot (literally “a fixed set of readings for the night of Shavuot”) is the custom of staying up all night and studying (we will study until about midnight) in the Sanctuary.

Date: Tuesday, May 18
Time: 8pm until about midnight
Place: Temple Sinai, 2808 Summit St., Oakland
For info call Gabby at 510-451-3263.

Tikkun Leil Shavuot
All-Night Learning Marathon
Celebrate the holiday of receiving the Torah by learning late into the night. Study with Rabbis, Educators and Congregants from Kol Emeth, Beth Am, Etz Chayim, and Keddem. Everyone is welcome to this community event.

Date: Tuesday night, May 18
Time: Begins at 8pm and goes to dawn on May 19
Place: Kol Emeth, 4175 Manuela Ave. , Palo Alto

See their flier at:

http://etzchayim.org/Downloads/PDFs/EventFlyers/2010MayShavuot.pdf

For info call the Kol Emeth at (650) 948-7498

http://www.kolemeth.org

Second Annual Shavuot California Corridor Crawl
Take a creative approach to the tradition of studying all night on Shavuot to mark the giving of the Torah at Sinai. On Tuesday evening, joins forces with Sherith Israel, Emanu-El and Beth Sholom, JCCSF, and the USF Swig program to “travel from Egypt to Sinai, from bondage to freedom,” along the California Street corridor. You can walk from location to location or join anywhere along the way.

5:30–7 pm, Sherith Israel: Vegetarian family dinner and art project
7:30–8:30 pm, JCCSF ( 3200 California St. ): Study sessions
9–10 pm, Emanu-El (Arguello & Lake): Study with Rabbi Larry Raphael and others
10:30–11:30 pm, Beth Sholom (14th Ave. & Clement): Study with Rabbi Julie Saxe-Taller and others
11:30 pm, Beth Sholom: Closing ceremony

Date: Tuesday May 18
Time: 5:30 pm to midnight
Free without dinner. With Dinner:
Adults $10 – Seniors/Students/Children – $7 (on or before 5/10)
Adults $15 – Seniors/Students/Children – $10 (at the door)
For reservations, call Sherith Israel at 415-346-1720.

Shavuot & Shabbat
Beth Chaim in Danville is combining their Shavuot celebration with Shabbat recognition of converts to Judaism. We asked Rabbi Dan Goldblatt if non-members can attend and he said: “Anyone can come to any our services. This is, of course, a Special Shabbat celebration since we are also celebrating Shavuot. Non-members are completely welcome. If you know anyone who might want to come, please extend the invitation. The only caveat is that it is a potluck and they should bring some food (vegetarian) to share. We would love to have them.”

Look at the Evite here:

http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=TMJLPZHKDKIOFXRCGGWI&li=iq&src=email&trk=aei6

Their celebration is Friday, May 21 at 6:30pm in Danville.
If you have questions you can call the synagogue at 925-736-7146. Their website is www.bethchaim.com.

Posted by admin under Holidays, Shavuot
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The HARD side of interfaith relationships and the Jewish world
A member of this list asked me to pass along to you his painful experience. His wife is not Jewish and his brother has rejected his family – both JB’s wife and son. JB feels that he has lost his own brother and his nephew. Additionally he has felt judged by other Jews around him because of his interfaith family. He acknowledges that the Bay Area is a more welcoming environment than the East coast but he still suffers from bad experiences.

In the Community
Bad things happen. People are cruel. I cannot change that. But I can equip you to deal with it. First, always feel free to contact me. We can talk about what YOU are dealing with, what you want and how to move forward.

Let’s start at the traditional end of the spectrum. Yes, traditional Jewish law traces Jewish identity by the mother. So you were either born to a Jewish woman or you converted. Yes, you can convert a child. This is your decision. If you want to have your child converted, I can help you do that. There is absolutely nothing wrong with conversion, nor is there anything wrong with choosing a Conservative or Orthodox community for you and your family. There are people on this list who have done that.

If converting your child makes you angry then you need to seek out a Jewish community that accepts patrilineal descent. The Reform movement accepted this in 1983. The Renewal, Reconstructionist and Humanist movements also follow this tradition. The caveat is that all Jewishly identified children in these synagogues/movements must be raised Jewish. That means you can’t be passive, you must give your child a Jewish education and they must celebrate Jewish lifecycle events. You can go to any synagogue from these movements and raise your child as a Jew.

Will random Jews – and even non-Jews make comments that you find offensive? Of course. Rude people exist everywhere. Try to keep it in perspective. If you don’t have a snappy comeback (we’ve all thought up great comebacks once we get home) then in the moment you can simply say, “That was unkind and hurtful.” A simple, true statement. Then turn and walk away.

Make an effort to put comments in perspective; don’t give cruel people control of your self esteem or your life choices!

In the Family
Family is another issue. Their hurtful statements go deep. The situation above needs therapy. No healthy person, Jewish or not, would suggest cutting off family members so summarily. My heart goes out to JB and his loss. Truthfully, I find that people who behave like this are not reacting about religion. Something more troubling is under the surface. I have told troubled families to go to therapy; I have given referrals; I have advised family members to take a break from each other until some counseling has been done. Do not remain in the same room with someone who is mistreating you or your family members.

All religions with which I am familiar teach people to seek a thoughtful and caring resolution to conflict. You deserve kindness. Find the people and the places where you get it. Call me and we’ll find the place that is right for you.

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Talking to a couple of people this week made me write about FEAR.

Do not traffic in fear
Despite the fact that the Reform movement began inreach and outreach to interfaith couples in 1978 many people remain unaware that welcoming interfaith couples and families has grown stronger and more wide spread over the last 30+ years. It rapidly sprang up in Reconstructionist, Humanist and Renewal congregations. It has spread into Conservative shuls and has a soft spoken presence in Orthodox congregations. Jewish Community Centers and other agencies strive to offer welcoming, entry point programming. Yet I still hear people telling me that some Jew has told them that, (a) interfaith couples aren’t welcome… out there, (b) it will be hard to find a rabbi who performs interfaith weddings, (c) the other guys (the synagogue up the road, the JCC in the next town) are mean to interfaith couples.

STOP LISTENING TO THAT! Jews who say that are either ignorant, territorial or projecting their own reality. If you reside in the bay area, none of this is true. I have a long list of rabbis who perform interfaith weddings. It is more difficult if you want to get married on the Jewish Sabbath (Friday afternoon to Saturday at sundown). Why? Not because you are an interfaith couple, but because the vast majority of rabbis follow the guidelines of Jewish law which forbid certain acts (work) on the Sabbath. It isn’t about you; it’s about them being a Jew. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Don’t be afraid. Synagogues of all movements want you. JCCs want you. Agencies want you. The Jewish people is a PEOPLE. It is a family, a home. To quote Robert Frost, not a Jew, “Home is the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in.” They may make you use a napkin or wash your hands, but Home Folks always take you in. Don’t forget that! Call me if you start to forget or doubt.

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Children move through a variety of developmental stages. How can we support their identity development and family attachment in age appropriate ways? Children in interfaith families are integrating multiple traditions and family heritages, we will look at how to weave together disparate backgrounds into one whole “self.”

Marin Brandeis Hillel Day School, 180 North San Pedro Rd., San Rafael
April 27, 2010
8:30am to 10am

FREE and open to the community.
For more information email Dawn at dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org

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I got this recipe off of www.jewishtvnetwork last year.  I tested it before suggesting it to all of you.  Big success!

Banana Cake with Marsala-Fresh Fruit Relish
Pareve
yields: 1 bundt
7 eggs, separated
1 cup sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
1 ½ cups ripe bananas, mashed (approximately 3 bananas)
¾ cup matzo cake flour
¼ cup potato flour
¾ cup pecans, chopped

How to prepare:
With an electric mixer, fit with the paddle attachment beat the egg yolks and sugar until light in color and fluffy. In a separate bowl hand whisk the bananas until a nearly smooth puree is achieved. Mix into bananas the salt, cake and potato flours. Do not over-mix. Add the banana mixture to the yolks and sugar and combine. Using a rubber spatula, scrape the sides of the bowl as necessary. Transfer to a large bowl and set aside. Using the whisk attachment, beat the egg whites with a pinch of salt in a clean and dry electric mixer until a stiff peak forms. Gently fold in the banana batter. Fold in the nuts and carefully pour into a greased bundt mold. Bake 45 – 55 minutes in a 325° F. oven, or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Remove from oven and allow to cool before removing from bundt. 

Marsala-Fresh Fruit Relish
yields: 2 cups
½ cup Marsala wine or sweet red wine
¼ cup sugar
1 pint hulled strawberries, halved
2 bananas, sliced
½ cup toasted pecans, chopped
How to prepare:
In a medium bowl, combine the Marsala wine, sugar, fruits and nuts. Gently mix to combine. Allow to macerate at least 15 minutes for flavors to combine and fruit syrup to form. Add more sugar if a sweeter relish is desired. Spoon relish over slices of Banana Cake with a drizzle of the remaining fruit syrup.

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