When I read about the rituals around death and mourning I just keep thinking that the ancient rabbis were really therapists.  Instead of leaving the grieving person to run around trying to bury their loved one, keep their job going, do the shopping and feed the kids they said, STOP, the mourner must mourn and the community must care for them.

Jewish law states that the mourners are not to bathe or shave.  The mirrors of the home are covered so that they are not distracted by their appearance.  They tear their clothes as a symbol of the fact that their loved one has been torn away from them.  A tear on the left side over the heart indicates the loss was a parent and a tear over the right side indicates other relatives.  The tear is made at the time of hearing of the death or at the burial.  In modern times you will often see a torn ribbon pinned to clothing rather than a literal tear.

The community is to bring food to the house of mourning FOR the mourners.  Often these days you’ll see a spread put out for the people who come to the shiva.  But food is actually not supposed to be for the visitors; it is for the family so that they don’t have to cook.  Often grief makes us lose our appetite.  Who wants to cook then?  So the community provides.  Still if there are fifteen platters of cold cuts the food is often fed to the visitors because there is too much for the family.  Frankly, I always see the community providing a big spread at a shiva. 

At a shiva

It is a mitzvah, a positive commandment, to go to a house of mourning, to comfort the bereaved and to assure that there will be a minyan (ten Jews) to recite the prayer for the deceased with the bereaved family.

Traditionally you bring food to a house of mourning.  It need not be on any particular day.  So if you miss the first day, bring them something later.  When taking food it is common to take round (or oval) food to symbolize the circle of life.  You’ll see lentil dishes and hard boiled eggs.  But any food is fine.  Take a salad, a casserole, a loaf of bread.  In a traditional environment you say a blessing before eating.  When you eat at a shiva, preceded with a blessing, your blessing is said “for” the deceased and it is to their credit.

You are not supposed to speak to a mourner but to respond when spoken too.  However, many people are uncomfortable in total silence and it is appropriate to say something simple like, I am so sorry for your loss.  This allows them to control the conversation and to talk about what they want to, with whom they want to.  In conversation with the mourner you are supposed to talk about their memories of their loved one, recalling times of health and happiness.  The goal is to support positive memories rather than only the recent difficult times.

Traditionally the mourners sit on the floor or on low stools reflecting their state of mind.

After the week of shiva those close to the mourner are to walk with them down the street and back.  This symbolized the gradual return to daily life.

The goal of the week of shiva is to allow the mourner live in the reality of their loss.  If any of you have lost a loved one you know the things that run through your mind – is this true?  How can I go back and prevent it?  Word will come and they won’t actually be dead.  I can’t bear this; I won’t be able to go on.  The mourner needd support thorough a period that may feel un-survivable.

Jewish law prescribes that the family will observe shiva (sit shiva) for seven days.  The Hebrew word, shiva, comes from the word for seven.  They do NOT sit on Shabbat, so no shiva on a Friday night.  So you actually sit for six nights.  In a Reform or Conservative home the family may opt to sit fewer nights.

It can be helpful to see what Jewish law prescribes so that you will understand the basis on which the variations of Conservative, Reform, Renewal, Reconstructionist and secular Judaism builds.  Here is a website that goes into great detail:

http://www.aish.com/jl/l/48958936.html#shiva

Of course, call or email me if you want to discuss any of this in greater detail or relating to your own life.

Best wishes and an early Shabbat Shalom to you all,

Dawn

EVENTS

Celebration of Purim for Young Children (El Cerrito)

Purim According to The Beatles (Lafayette)

Purim Spiel: Motown Megillah (Oakland)

Purim Carnival (Oakland)

Purim Carnival (Berkeley)

Purim Unmasked: Off Street Festival (San Francisco)

Non-Jewish Partner Discussion (Palo Alto)

Growing Your Child’s Identity in an Interfaith Family (San Francisco and Marin)

Interfaith Connection Potluck Shabbat Dinner (San Francisco)

Interactive Tot Seder (Palo Alto)

On One Foot Seder (Palo Alto)

Talk Amongst Yourselves Seder (Palo Alto)

Celebrate Second Night of Passover at Beth Am (Los Altos)

Celebration of Purim for Young Children

Join other families with young children to enjoy puppets, songs, stories, costumes, and holiday treats!  Open to all children age 0-5 years and those who love them . . . whether you’re Jewish or just curious. Feel free to invite friends who might be interested!

Our gathering will be led by Rabbi Bridget Wynne and beloved early childhood specialist Mimi Greisman. Space is limited. Early RSVP recommended.

Date:    Saturday, February 27

Time:    10:30am-12:00pm

Place:   Jewish Gateways, 409 Liberty St., El Cerrito

Info:     510-559-8140

http://www.jewishgateways.org/

COST: Free for first-time participants, RSVP required.

http://www.jewishgateways.org/node/161/signup

Purim According to The Beatles!
Kids and adults of all ages are invited to join us for a fun, exciting and silly retelling of the Purim story. This year’s shpiel features the songs of the Beatles! Dress up, watch your fellow congregants perform, get ready to boo Haman & cheer for Mordachei!

Date:    Sat., Feb. 27

Time:    6:30pm

Place:   Temple Isaiah, 3800 Mt. Diablo Blvd., Lafayette

FREE

Info at www.temple-isaiah.org

Purim Spiel: Motown Megillah

Beginning with Havdallah, join us as we read from the Book of Esther, drown out Haman’s name with groggers, and sing along to familiar songs. Motown Megillah is directed by Jackie Berkman, musical direction by Lucy Harris, featuring the Temple Sinai band and starring members of the congregation. Laugh, sing, dance and celebrate Purim!

Date:    Saturday, February 27

Time:    6:30pm

Place:   Temple Sinai, 2808 Summit St., Oakland

Info: call Gabby at 510-451-3263.

Purim Carnival

Join us at the Purim carnival. We’ll have challenging games, thrilling prizes, delicious food and lots of fun! These events have no admission charge.  Tickets for activity booths and food during the carnival will be available for purchase.

Date:    Sunday, February 28

Time:    Noon

Place:   At the Jeep dealership across the street from Temple Sinai which is at 2808 Summit St., Oakland

http://www.oaklandsinai.org/jewish_life/holidays.php?page=180

Call the Temple Sinai Education office for more info at 510-451-3263

Purim Carnival

Come join us at the JCC East Bay for an afternoon of fun!

2-3pm Purim puppets, songs, and stories for young children

2-4:30pm Carnival booths, games, face painting, hamentaschen, bouncy house, magician, crafts, & more! Make mischloah manot (Purim baskets) for members of our community

4:30-5pm Come in costume for the costume parade, followed by our Purim Spiel (a comic retelling of the story of Purim!)

Date:    Sunday, Feb. 28

Time:    2 to 5pm

Place:   JCC of the East Bay, 1414 Walnut St., Berkeley

FREE!

Info: http://prod.jcceastbay.org/jewish_life/holidays.html

Cosponsored by Jewish Gateways and Congregation Beth El.

Purim Unmasked: Off Street Festival

Celebrating Jewish Identity and survival, Purim is traditionally observed with a joyous, irreverent and carnival-like festivities. Celebrate the holiday with food, wine, music and activities including face painting, henna art and hamantaschen baking. Browse for unique items and crafts by local artists. There’s something fun for everyone!

Date:    Sunday, Feb. 28

Time:    11am

Place:   San Francisco JCC, 3200 California St., San Francisco

FREE

www.jccsf.org
Presented in partnership with Be’chol Lashon

Non-Jewish Partner Discussion

Are you not Jewish, but keeping a Jewish home and raising Jewish kids?

Do you have questions about “doing Jewish,” or Jewish home rituals?

Do you have concerns about your child’s coming bar/bat mitzvah?

Has something bothered you or puzzled you in the Jewish community?

Are some (or all) of the holidays confusing? Or fun, but you still have questions?

Do you practice another religion and wonder how other families balance the demands of multiple religious needs in one home?

Join me, Dawn, to discuss the questions and concerns that arise as you navigate your way through an interfaith/intercultural life.

Date: Sundays, March 7 and March 21 (2 meetings)

Time: 7:00-8:30pm

Place: Oshman Family JCC, 3921 Fabian Way, Palo Alto

Cost: $20/member, $25/non-member of the Palo Alto JCC

To sign up contact: Cody Schaffner at the JCC, Phone: (650) 223-8788 or cschaffner@paloaltojcc.org

Growing Your Child’s Identity in an Interfaith Family

Children move through a variety of developmental stages. How can we support their identity development and family attachment in age appropriate ways? Children in interfaith families are integrating multiple traditions and family heritages, we will look at how to weave together disparate backgrounds into one whole “self.”

San Francisco Brandeis Day School, 655 Brotherhood Way, San Francisco

Monday, March 15, 2010

7 to 8:30pm

AND

Marin Brandeis Hillel Day School, 180 North San Pedro Rd., San Rafael

April 27, 2010

8:30am to 10am

FREE and open to the community.

For more information email Dawn at dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org

Interfaith Connection Potluck Shabbat Dinner

Please join us for our next Interfaith Potluck Shabbat Dinner.  Please tell us what you plan to bring to share with the group. We look forward to seeing you all there and to celebrating Shabbat with you!

Date:    Friday, March 19

Time:    6:30pm

Place:   Home of Helena & Mark McMahon in San Francisco.  Contact Helena to sign up and to get directions for the dinner.  415-292-1200.

Interactive Tot Seder

Designed to meet the needs of preschoolers (ages 2-5) and parents. The children will work on a special art project and hear Passover stories. You will end by 7:30 p.m.

Date:    Tuesday March 30

Time:    5:00pm doors open, 5:30 pm Kiddush, Seder starts after Kiddush

Place:   Congregation Etz Chayim; 4161 Alma Street, Palo Alto Ca 94306

Cost:    $55/adult, $30 per child (ages 5-12), $8/tot (ages 2-4)

For more info call the synagogue at 650-813-9094 x201

On One Foot Seder

Like it short and to the point? Melissa Rogoway, Etz Chayim education director, will lead an interactive seder with music, dance, and drama. The Seder will last an hour before dinner.

Date:    Tuesday March 30

Time:    5:00pm doors open, 5:30 pm Kiddush, Seder starts after Kiddush

Place:   Congregation Etz Chayim; 4161 Alma Street, Palo Alto Ca 94306

Cost:    $55/adult, $30 per child (ages 5-12), $8/tot (ages 2-4)

For more info call the synagogue at 650-813-9094 x201

Talk Amongst Yourselves Seder

Want to ask lots of questions? Rabbi Rachel Solomin will lead with lots of singing and discussion. Plan on at least 11/2 hours before dinner. This is a more traditional, adult-oriented Seder.

Date:    Tuesday March 30

Time:    5:00pm doors open, 5:30 pm Kiddush, Seder starts after Kiddush

Place:   Congregation Etz Chayim; 4161 Alma Street, Palo Alto Ca 94306

Cost:    $55/adult, $30 per child (ages 5-12), $8/tot (ages 2-4)

For more info call the synagogue at 650-813-9094 x201

Celebrate Second Night of Passover at Beth Am

Beth Am’s Community Seder, led by Rabbi Adam Rosenwasser, will be held on the second night of Passover, Tuesday, March 30. Enjoy a delicious multi-course meal without having to cook, clean up or remember where you hid the afikomen.
Passover is sometimes called the Festival of Freedom and celebrates the Israelites’ deliverance from Egypt’s bondage over 3,200 years ago. Each year at this time, Jews all over the world gather with family, friends and even strangers, to honor and remember our enslaved ancestors and rejoice in the freedom we enjoy today.

Date:    Tuesday, March 30

Time:    6 p.m.

Place:   Social Hall of Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills

Be sure to sign up for Beth Am’s Community Seder in advance. If cost hinders your participation, please speak with Executive Director Debbie Coutant in confidence. For more information, please contact Emily Osterman at eosterman@betham.org or call (650) 493-4661.

Cost $44.00 per adult; $24.00 per child (12 and under).

Reservations open to non-members starting Tuesday, March 16.

Download an RSVP form here:

RSVP deadline: Tuesday, March 23. Seating is limited.

Please mail your completed reservation form, with a check payable to Congregation Beth Am, to: 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills, CA 94022, Attn: Emily Osterman

The Cooks are Happy!

Hamentashen Baking Day has become an annual event with my friend, Laurie. She makes up several batches of dough and filling in advance of the Sunday before Purim. Then she invites friends and family to join her in her kitchen for the assembly line production of hundreds of Hamentashen – the traditional cookie of Purim.

She uses three different cookie dough recipes – just about any sugar cookie or refrigerator cookie dough will do. According to my Joan Nathan cookbook, Jewish Holiday Kitchen (you really need this book), there is an ongoing debate about whether a yeast dough is better than a non-yeast dough. So far I haven’t tried a yeast cookie dough; my kids are fond of the one I use. I’ll give you Laurie’s three recipes here.

Fillings! The most common fillings are poppy seed, prune, and apricot. It all makes sense for a late winter cookie – poppy seeds, prunes and dried apricots would be among the treats available in a community that didn’t have supermarkets. I’ll give you those three recipes also. But let me say, add your own family favorites and let your loved ones experiment. My son loves homemade strawberry jam so we have strawberry jam Hamentashen. At Laurie’s party some of the younger chefs decided to try chocolate versions. Everyone was satisfied.

Laurie’s Hamentash-a-thon Recipes

Flo Braker’s Hamantashen
36 filled cakes

3 cups flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon salt
1/4 pound margarine
1 cup sugar
1 large egg
1/3 cup orange juice
1 teaspoon vanilla

Cream the sugar with margarine. Beat eggs with OJ and vanilla, add to butter/sugar. Add dry ingredients and mix. Shape dough into disks and chill. Roll out to ¼ inch thickness, cut into circles, fill with choice of filling and shape into triangles. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet at 375 degrees for 15 -18 minutes or until lightly browned.

Options: Brush with beaten egg and sprinkle with coarse sugar, if desired.
Roll dough in mixture of granulated sugar and flour for a sparkle effect

Brown Sugar and Oat Hamantashen Dough

1 cup butter or margarine, at room temperature
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon grated orange peel
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 large egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
2 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
1 cup rolled oats

Beat butter, sugar, orange peel, and cinnamon until blended in a large bowl. Beat in egg. Combine dry ingredients in another bowl. Add to butter mixture and beat until thoroughly blended, at least 5 minutes on medium speed with mixer. Chill 1 hour in the refrigerator. Roll out to ¼ inch thickness, cut into circles, fill with choice of filling and shape into triangles. Brush with beaten egg and sprinkle with coarse sugar, if desired. Bake on an ungreased cookie sheet at 350 degrees for 12 – 15 minutes, or until lightly browned.

Optional icing:

1 ½ cups powdered sugar
1 teaspoon each orange-flavored liqueur and water
1 teaspoon grated orange rind

Blend together until smooth. Spread on cooled hamentashen. Let set at room temperature until firm.

Apricot Filling

6 ounces dried California apricots
3 T. granulated sugar
2 t. grated orange rind

Cover the apricots with boiling water in a small pan. Simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. Cool. Drain apricots, reserving the cooking liquid. Chop drained apricots in food processor. Add sugar, 2-3 T. cooking liquid and the grated orange rind. Process until pureed. Cool before using. Refrigerate for up to a week.

Prune Filling

6 ounces dried pitted prunes
2 T. granulated sugar
2 t. grated lemon rind
(1/4 cup chopped walnuts, raisins)

Cover the prunes with boiling water in a small pan. Simmer on low heat for 10 minutes. Cool. Drain prunes, reserving the cooking liquid. Chop drained prunes in food processor. Add sugar, 2-3 T. cooking liquid and the grated lemon rind. Process until pureed. Stir in walnuts and/or raisins if desired. Cool before using. Store in refrigerator for up to a week.

Poppy Seed (Mohn) Filling

1 cup whole poppy seeds
½ cup milk or water
¼ cup honey
1/8 cup sugar
pinch salt
1 egg
(3 T. almond paste)

Use coffee grinder to grind poppy seed in batches. Add to a small pan with milk or water, honey, sugar and salt. Cook over medium heat until thick. Remove from heat and cool slightly. Beat in the egg and almond paste, if desired. Return to heat briefly if too thin. Cool before using. Store covered in refrigerator for up to a week.
Recipes from Laurie Leiber 3.5.06

Laurie and her daughter, Sarah, satisfied with their efforts!

PURIM!
Be Happy! It’s Adar!

There are so many fun things to do for Purim – make costumes, bake cookies – and other foods, give food gifts to friends, wear crowns and masks. Lots of playing opportunities for kids and adults. The drinking and carousing should be for the grown-ups, and kept within reason.

Here is a great local site for holiday information. Go here and click on “Purim”

http://www.sfjcf.org/resources/jholidays/

Giving gifts of food for Purim
It is traditional for Purim to give gifts of food to friends and neighbors. I found the funniest site that had some wonderful ideas for non-traditional food gifts! Things you’re have fun making, giving, and receiving. Perfect for the west! Take a look:

http://www.aish.com/family/cooking/Purim_Mishloach_Manot_Ideas.asp

The Silicon Valley Federation has a newsletter with a column, Ask the Rabbi, which has a nice description of the traditional elements of observing Purim. Look online:

http://www.jvalley.org/jcn/2_2008/askrabbi.html

Here’s rather cartoony looking site with a wide range of information:

http://www.aish.com/holidays/purim/

Making cookies – hamentashen – for the holiday.
A hamentashen recipe with several fillings

http://jewishappleseed.org/apple/hamnrecp.htm

A hamentashen recipe by Joan Nathan, one of my favorite cookbook authors:

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/Purim/TO_Purim_Home/Foods/hamantashen.htm

Go to wwwmyjewishlearning.com and search for Purim, you’ll get a variety of articles on customs, rituals, the story, food, etc.

Telling the story of Queen Esther to your kids
Go to a local Jewish book and gift store and get some books for your kids.
There is a sweet picture book on the Purim story by Tomie DePaola titled Queen Esther. I was walking through the gift shop at B’nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek last week and saw a number of children’s books on Purim. If you’re in the East Bay check out Afikomen on Claremont Avenue in Berkeley. If you’re on the peninsula, try bob and bob’s in Los Altos on El Camino Real. In San Francisco go to Dayenu at the SF JCC on California. Many of the synagogues will have gift shops with books also.