Grandfather at play

Last week I talked about the things we will do for our children – essentially the power that our love for our children will teach us to do. On the other side of our lives are our parents. Parents too do more teaching than simply the words they speak – do your homework, don’t tease your sister, stand up straight, tell the truth, be respectful of your teachers. Parents demonstrate love, sacrifice, devotion. In doing so, we see how to be better people. We love and respect them; we hope to emulate them. In a healthy parent – adult child relationship each person understands the limits. The adult child must make their own decisions about child-rearing, religious observance, family balance. But after these decisions are made, and hopefully respected, we can have compassion for our parents sense of loss when our choices are not theirs. The grandchild who will not be raised in the same religion as the grandparent, the child who chooses to convert from their birth faith, the family that no longer spends certain holidays with the grandparents – these are painful and unexpected losses for our parents.

What can we do?
Remember to express love and respect.
“Mom, my love for you will never fade.”
“Dad, I hope to be a good a dad as you have been to me.”

Affirm what is good, sincere, decent, and honorable about your parents. Point out the things that they taught you and that you value.

“Grandma, I really and truly learned to stop and smell the roses from you. Remember when we walked past that big climbing rosebush in front of the hardware store and you said, smell this! I learned to value every bit of nature from you.”

Let them know that you carry a part of them in you. A hug, a kiss, a handwritten card, these all can ease a parent’s fear that they are losing you. In years to come you will be glad you took a moment to express your love.

EVENTS
Shabbat Unplugged (Oakland)
Evening Book Group (San Francisco)
Israeli Folk Dance (Palo Alto)
Fridays at the Midrahov (Street Fair) (Palo Alto)
Music Together (San Rafael)
Let’s go to the Movies: Saviors in the Night (Berkeley)

Shabbat Unplugged
These services will be accompanied by Rabbi’ Bloom’s guitar, a number of singers, and, occasionally, a few of the other instruments as well. Come prepared to sing and participate in a meaningful way. This service lasts approximately one hour and is held in the chapel. We will be outdoors in front of the chapel

Date: Friday, July 2
Time: 6:15pm
Place: Temple Beth Abraham, 327 MacArthur Boulevard, Oakland
Info: (510) 832-0936
www.tbaoakland.org

Evening Book Group
Join the JCCSF Evening Book Group at any time, or drop in to discuss a book you enjoy. Contact Cecily Rogers at 292-1262 or email crogers@jccsf.org to join the mailing list or inquire about upcoming book selections.

July 20: A Reliable Wife, by Robert Goolrick
August 17: Girl From Foreign, by Sadia Shepard
September 21: Brooklyn, by Colm Toibin

Dates: 3rd Tuesday of the month, July 20
Time: 7:30 pm – 9:00 pm
Place: San Francisco JCC, 3200 California St., San Francisco
Free
www.jccsf.org

Israeli Folk Dance
All ages and levels are invited to join in these fun and easy modern dances from Israel
Karina will introduce basic repertoire dances of different styles, and will show us some Israeli line dances.

Date: Thursday, July 22
Time: 6:30pm
Place: Jessica Lynn Saal Town Square, Palo Alto JCC, 3921 Fabian Way, Palo Alto
FREE
For more information contact Katie Chapin at 650-223-8622 or email her at kchapin@paloaltojcc.org

Fridays at the Midrahov (Street Fair)
Come out and enjoy an array of activities on the beautiful Saal Family Midrahov!
We’ve got falafel, pizza, and pastries, live music, the Israeli Scouts Caravan, an Israeli-style Kabbalat Shabbat and lots of artisans and vendors displaying and selling their wares such as Shakuf Design, Ceramics by Marcelle, Hartstring Jewelry and Studio 618.

Date: Friday, July 16
Time: 3 to 7pm
Place: ?
FREE
Contact Michelle Weintraub, 650-223-8692 or email michellew20@yahoo.com

Music Together
For children (birth – 5 years). A joyful musical experience for children with their parents or caregivers. Singing, dancing, and more.

Dates: Mondays, July 12 – August 16
Time: 10:30 – 11:15 am.
Place: Jewish Family & Children’s Services, A Parent’s Place, 600 Fifth Ave, San Rafael
Cost: $140 per child for six sessions; $93 per additional sibling. (Fees include a book and two CDs). Hurry! The class is filling fast.
Go here to register: http://www.parentsplaceonline.org/marin/classes/music-together-marin-birth-5-0
415-491-7959

Let’s go to the Movies: Saviors in the Night
Let’s go see “Saviors in the Night” at the SF Jewish Film Festival. Saviors is a true story about a German Catholic family who hid a Jewish family during the Holocaust.

Go online and buy your ticket at: www.sfjff.org

How about meeting at 5pm for a quick pizza around the corner from the theater? Email me if you want to join me for dinner before the film.

Date: August 7
Time: 7pm
Place: Roda Theater, Berkeley Rep, 2025 Addison, Berkeley
Info: Contact me at 510-845-6420 x11 or email me at dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org

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Your child has married someone not Jewish. You love their new spouse but you worry. Will my grandchildren be Jewish? Will I say the wrong thing if I express my concerns and feelings? Should we invite the non-Jewish in-laws to Jewish celebrations at our home? Can we do Jewish activities with the grandchildren without over stepping our children’s boundaries? Which holidays will they celebrate and how? Join other parents and grandparents to explore how to be TERRIFIC grandparents to your intermarried child and their family.

Monday, Feb. 22

7pm

In a cozy Oakland home

Free to members of Temple Sinai; $7 for non-members.

Call Dawn if you have any questions.

I was asked if non-Jewish grandparents could attend.  YES!  I had a lovely Zoroastrian couple who shared their thoughts and heritage with the group.

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A number of parent/grandparent groups have developed in the bay area.  These groups are for individuals and couples whose children have married non-Jewish partners.  That is YOUR parents. 

Our parents may feel guilty – “I should have done more Jewish things at home; sent the kids to Jewish summer camp, etc. and then my child would have married a Jew.”  Or, “I love my new son or daughter in law, but I didn’t realize I would be upset that they aren’t Jewish.  Am I a bad father/mother in law?”  They wonder about how to act with the other in-laws, “Should I invite them to seder?”

When children (grandchildren) arrive the picture gets more complicated.  They want to know, “Are you raising the kids Jewish?”  “I’ll pay for Hebrew school, why won’t you take the money?”  “Are the other grandparents taking them to church?”

These questions arise out of love for you.  But they can be hard on you, the couple.  Suggest that your parents join others in the same life experience to discuss positive choices for themselves and their family.

I am always happy to talk to parents too if they want to discuss whether the group is for them or if they want to talk privately before going to a group.  I had one set of in-laws (the non-Jewish, Asian parents) who just did not believe in speaking publicly about any family concern.  Be sensitive to your parents.  You may understand them better than they understand themselves.  And remember that your children, will be the same way with you.  Role model the love of parents that you hope to instill in your children.  Respect their differences and send them information on the groups so they can do the same for you.

Grandparents’ Circle
Are you a grandparent whose grandchildren are being raised in an interfaith family? Do you wonder how you can cultivate your grandchild’s Jewish identity while respecting your adult child’s choices?
Join us for an education and support program for Jewish grandparents whose adult children have intermarried. This five session course, taught by Beth Am member Louise Stirpe-Gill, offers grandparents the skills and techniques to nurture their grandchildren’s Jewish identities while sharing Judaism in a fun way with their adult children and grandchildren.

Dates: March 21, April 4, 18, May 2 and 16
Time: 3:00 – 5:00 pm
Place: Congregation Beth Am, Conference Room, Upper Campus.
Free and open to the community
Please RSVP by March 15th to secure a space. We’ll send you the details. Contact Pam Lerner at phlerner@yahoo.com or  650-625-8725 

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