Recently I was with a couple of women, each of whom is married to a non-Jewish man. One expressed her opinions with great intensity. She had strong opinions on how to deal with an interfaith marriage, what to do, how to act, what to teach your children, how to celebrate the holidays. The trouble was that the other woman had a very different life experience. Lisa meant well but she was gauging all interfaith marriages by her own.
You may be confronted with people like Lisa, people who feel that they know how you should be living. Let me tell you two truths:
1. You are not exactly like anyone else, so you can’t live your life by someone else’s choices.
2. You are not so unique that you can’t learn from others.
My goal with each couple I meet is to help you find what your path is, together as a couple. Then I want you to develop a healthy way of handling your children and extended family. I do use statistics, and what I’ve learned over the years, to share with you what typical outcomes are to particular actions. It doesn’t guarantee that your family will duplicate “typical” but it can give you some guidelines. In a couples discussion group each couple will determine what their course of action will be. All the couples share their goals, desires and concerns. Each couple finds their own way. If you think you are stuck, you can change that. If you feel the future is a worrisome mystery, you can change that. If you just want to have a plan or to hear what others are doing, you can do that. I believe that putting 16 hours into your relationship and your future are an investment that will pay dividends for decades to come.
One couple’s path
A member of this list recently wrote an article for InterfaithFamily; she emailed me the link. Juliet and Birger participated in a couples group. In the course of the group they became engaged. Today they have a beautiful two year old and are part of a loving community. Read about their process.
http://interfaithfamily.com/life_cycle/weddings/Uncompromising_Compromises.shtml
What about you?
Consider investing in your life; consider signing up for an Interfaith Couples Discussion Group. Contact me if you’d like to discuss this idea. dawn@buildingjewishbridges.org.
Books for kids
Following on the heels of my last email to you regarding Jews of color, here is a link to a list of children’s books that have characters who are various races but the book is not about race. It’s nice to not have every book bang on the topic of race. Many of our children are or have friends who are multiracial but most of their lives are about other things.
http://www.publishersweekly.com/blog/660000266/post/1920043592.html?nid=2788&rid=386985831
I hope to see you at one of the programs in red below. Let me know if you’re coming!
Tot Shabbat (Redwood City)
It’s the Law: Making Jewish Decisions in Modern Times (Walnut Creek)
Jazz Shabbat (San Francisco)
Young Family Shabbat (Walnut Creek)
Silicon Valley Jewish Film Festival (Palo Alto)
Bonfire and Seaside Songs (San Francisco)
People of the Books (Palo Alto)
FREE Family Day at the Contemporary Jewish Museum (San Francisco)
Young Family Shabbat Celebration (Walnut Creek)
Max Minsky and Me (Film) (Los Altos)
Mothers Circle (Los Altos)
Women in Interfaith Relationships (Palo Alto)
Exploring Interfaith LGBTQ Relationships (Piedmont)
Heschel (San Francisco)
How I Decided to Raise My Kids Jewish (San Francisco)
REEL Jewish Women (San Rafael)
Tot Shabbat
The Tot Shabbat program includes childcare, child-friendly activities and a Shabbat service geared for ages 2-5. There is no charge, and no prior registration required.
Date: Every Saturday
Time: 9:00 a.m. thru the end of services
Place: Beth Jacob, 1550 Alameda de las Pulgas, Redwood City, in the preschool
For more information call the shul at 650-366-8481
Tot Shabbat services are a great way to learn about a Jewish service. They are short, education and full of children.
It’s the Law: Making Jewish Decisions in Modern Times
How do we make Jewish decisions in life? What can Jewish tradition offer us as we confront difficult choices? In this course we will explore how Jewish law (Halakhah) has evolved over the past three millennia and discover the ways that it remains relevant in our lives in contemporary times. Join us as we examine case studies in modern ethics and learn how Jewish law can inform the decisions we make as modern people.
Date: Tuesdays, October 13 – October 27
Time: 7:30 to 9pm
Place: B’nai Shalom, 74 Eckley Ln., Walnut Creek
Info: 925-934-9446
FREE
Taught by Rabbi Elon Sunshine. Now how can you go wrong with a rabbi named ASunshine?!
Jazz Shabbat
Join us for Jazz Shabbat in the Martin Meyer Sanctuary. This intergenerational service features Shabbat melodies with a jazzy flavor sung by Cantor Roslyn Barak joined by congregants Ken Miller on bass, Jerome Rossen, composer/arranger/pianist, and Peter Logan on drums. Many of the melodies are composed and arranged by Jerome Rossen.
Date: Oct. 16
Time: 5:30pm
Place: Emanu-El, 2 Lake St., San Francisco
www.emanuelsf.org
Young Family Shabbat
Young Family Shabbat is designed for children age 5 and under, and their families. Dinner, with a great new menu, will start at 5:00 p.m. Creative arts and crafts activities will be offered to children during the dinner. Services begin at 6:15 p.m., in the Chapel.
Friday, Oct. 16 and every third Friday of the month
Time: Dinner at 5pm and Services at 6:15pm.
(Make reservations for dinner by the preceding Wednesday – that’s today)
Place: B’nai Shalom, 74 Eckley Ln., Walnut Creek
Info: 925-934-9446
Silicon Valley Jewish Film Festival
The Film Festival Opening Night this year is an extra special occasion when the festival showcases the film Letters for Jenny on Saturday, Oct. 17 as part of the grand opening weekend of the new Oshman Family JCC (OFJCC).
The special Opening Night Event is co-sponsored by the Oshman Family JCC and it’s a chance for you to be among the first to enjoy a major event in the new Albert Schultz Cultural Arts Hall on the beautiful new OFJCC Taube Koret Campus for Jewish Life. Advance tickets are still available and are $25 in advance and $20, OFJCC members. If available, tickets at the door will be $30 apiece.
The evening begins at 7:30 p.m. and includes a discussion about Argentinean Jewry led by University of Oregon Assistant Professor Monique Balbuena. The evening continues with a colorful and entertaining demonstration of Tango by the premiere dancers of the OF JCC Argentinean Tango Club, followed by the movie.
Date: Sat., Oct. 17
Time: 7:30pm
Place: Taube Koret Campus for Jewish Life, 3921 Fabian Way, Palo Alto
www.svjff.org
Bonfire and Seaside Songs
Join us for a fun evening around the Bonfire. Come for Havdalah, share your voice, or just listen, as we watch the flames dance. Please bring food and drinks for yourself and some to share. Bring many friends, stories, songs, drums and other musical instruments. The YeaShOre Community and Congregation Beth Shalom will provide chocolate, Kosher marshmallows and crackers for S’mores. We will also bring potatoes and onions for roasting in the Bonfire. We will have a Jewish Havdalah ritual about an hour after sunset. The ritual lasts a few minutes. As not all the guests at YeaShOre’s bonfires are Jewish, we explain it and invite everyone to join in. (or at least be quiet).
Date; Sat., Oct. 17
Time: 6:30pm till midnight-ish
Place: San Francisco’s Ocean Beach – look for the fish windsock
Parking note: Park on Fulton, NOT at the Ocean Beach parking lot. The Ocean Beach parking lot and Golden Gate Park are posted “No Parking” at 10 p.m. Please do not get a parking ticket while at the Bonfire!
Visit yeashore.org for maps and photo directions. From 6:30 to 7:00 p.m.: Meet at the Beach Chalet at 1000 Great Highway, between Fulton St. and Lincoln Way. After 7:00 p.m.: Cross the Great Highway from the Chalet, go to and down the RAMP (not any stairs).
People of the Books
An Etz Chayim book group. The next book we’ll read is “The Septembers of Shiraz” by Dalia Sofer. If you are interested please contact us at bookclubchair@etzchayim.org.
Date: Sun., Oct. 18
Time: 10:30am – 12:00pm.
Place: Etz Chayim, 4161 Alma, Palo Alto
www.etzchayim.org
FREE Family Day at the Contemporary Jewish Museum
See two exciting exhibitions:
*There’s a Mystery There: Sendak on Sendak
*As it is Written: Project 304,805 (The Torah Project)
Enjoy musical performances:
*Magik performs a new audience-participation composition of Maurice Sendak’s Chicken Soup with Rice
*Sendak Sing-Along (and other songs of monsters and kids)
Make art: Celebrate the art of the book!
*Decorate your own bookbag
*Experiment with pen, ink , and calligraphy techniques, then create a personalized bookmark
Date: Sunday, Oct. 18
Time: 11am-4pm
Place: Contemporary Jewish Museum, 736 Mission Street (between Third and Fourth streets) San Francisco
FREE
look online at www.thecjm.org
Young Family Shabbat Celebration
Join Rabbi Sunshine for this fun and interactive service for families with children six years of age of under. All are welcome.
Date: Friday nights, October 23, November 13, December 11, January 22, February 19, March 19th, April 9, May 21.
Time: 6:00 – 6:30 pm
Place: B’nai Shalom, 74 Eckley Ln., Walnut Creek
www.bshalom.org
Max Minsky and Me (Film)
Next in our Jewish Film Series is Max Minsky and Me. Nelly Sue Edelmeister is a cerebral 13-year-old Berlin wallflower who lives for astronomy, with a desire to become a star basketball player. Her mother, however, feels she should concentrate on preparation for her forthcoming Bat Mitzvah. To complicate matters further for Nelly, her parents’ marriage is disintegrating. This is a charming and heartwarming coming-of-age film that will appeal to all ages and it is one of the few German films that depict modern day dilemmas of that country’s re-born Jewish community. German with subtitles.
Free of Charge. Refreshments will be served.
Date: Sat., Oct. 24
Time: 4pm
Place: Beth Am,
I was curious about this film so I found a trailer online:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpS0AL2a9Kg
Mothers Circle
Are you raising your kids as Jews, but you are not Jewish?
Join a 12-session course that explores how to create Jewish memories for your children even when you did not have a Jewish childhood yourself. Through a step-by-step approach to raising Jewish children you will learn about Jewish holidays, customs and values.
Meet other moms who share the same concerns and experiences to discuss how couples who come from different traditions create Jewish homes.
If your child is raising questions about Judaism, or you are ready to bring Jewish customs into your home, or you are interested in connecting with the synagogue, then this is the course for you!
Join us for coffee, new friends, Jewish learning and great discussions.
Date: Begins Sunday, Oct. 25, All sessions will be on Sunday mornings during Sunday School.
Date: 9:15 a.m.
Place: Beth Am, 26790 Arastradero Road, Los Altos Hills in the Beit Kehillah – call for directions.
Cost: $55 for books, materials, childcare and refreshments.
For questions contact Frieda Haidt at haidt@sonic.net
Frieda is an old friend and a terrific facilitator. Send her an email with your questions.
Women in Interfaith Relationships
Facilitated by Dawn Kepler
This discussion for girlfriends, wives, mothers and grandmothers addresses the expectations society places on women in interfaith relationships.
How do you handle religious issues when it comes to raising children, sexuality and household roles? Join in for a lively and supportive talk.
Dates: Sundays, Oct. 25 and Nov. 22
Time: 7 p.m.
Place: Palo Alto JCC
Cost is $20 for JCC members, $25 for non-members.
Register online at www.paloaltojcc.org
Contact me if you have any questions.
Exploring Interfaith LGBTQ Relationships
Led by Rabbi Ruth Adar and Dawn Kepler
Join us for an exploration of key issues that come up for interfaith couples: clarifying values, good communication, relationships with family and friends, finding community, and joyfully sharing each other’s traditions, holidays and religious observances. This class will be a combination of discussion, readings, and guided activities. All genders welcome.
Date: Four sessions beginning Monday, Oct. 26
Time: 7:30 to 9pm
Place: Kehilla Community Synagogue, Grand Ave., Oakland
Cost: $80/couple, no one turned away for lack of funds.
For more information call Dawn at 510-845-6420 x11.
Heschel
We will read, discuss, and argue about the correct interpretation of short selections by Abraham Joshua Heschel (1907-1972) from the anthology, Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity: Essays by Abraham Joshua Heschel and Susannah Heschel. Together with Martin Buber, Heschel almost single-handedly brought Jewish spirituality to liberal American Judaism. We will consider his vision on such topics as, contemplative prayer, political protest (Heschel marched with Martin Luther King), the meaning of Sinai, radical amazement, and how to be a Jew.
Dates: Begins Oct. 27 and meets alternate Tuesday evenings
Time: 7-8:30 pm
Place: Emanu-El, 2 Lake St., San Francisco
Fees: $18 members — $20 non-members per trimester — OR $50 for the year
To register go to http://www.emanuelsf.org/register
How I Decided to Raise My Kids Jewish
Facilitated by Dawn
How do non-Jewish parents decide to raise their children as Jews? What are their concerns? Once the decision is made, how did they make it happen? Did they retain their own religion? How do they share their identity with their children? Come hear a panel of non-Jewish parents as they discuss their journey to a Jewish home identity.
Date: Nov. 1
Time: 10am to 11:45am
Place: Beth Israel Judea, 625 Brotherhood Way, San Francisco
Cost: $7; free to Beth Israel Judea members
For more information all Dawn at 510-845-6420 x11
REEL Jewish Women
with Jan WahlCelebrated San Francisco Bay Area movie reviewer and film historian Jan Wahl takes us on an illustrated journey of Jewish women in show business, ranging from Fanny Brice to Natalie Portman. Providing her unique commentary and showing entertaining film clips from every era, Jan will make us reminisce, think, and of course, howl in laughter. Be sure to wear a hat and join us for a light brunch!
Date: Sunday, November 1
Time: 10 am – noon
Place: Rodef Sholom, 170 North San Pedro Rd, San Rafael
Cost: $15 for non-members. RSVP to Rhonda Daniels at 883-1966 or e-mail wrs@rodefsholom.org, subject: REEL Women.
Co-presented with the Center for Jewish Life at the Osher Marin JCC in the Hoytt Theater.
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