Getting Connected

This last week I made a series of calls to see how folks were doing.  One person said, I just use your list of events, Dawn.  I go and I participate. 

Not everyone can do that.  Several others told me different stories. 

I don’t really like to go into a crowd where I don’t know anyone.

Our congregation is nice, but we haven’t really made friends yet.

I wish I could talk to someone one-on-one.

I confess, I’m the same way.  I’m a people person.  I prefer to go places with a friend.  I like to have someone I know to sit next to, eat lunch with, go to the museum or park or movie.  If you are trying to connect in a congregation, call me.  After all these years at this job I know someone just about everywhere.  I think it’s easier if you go to services with a potential friend.  Maybe go out for lunch or coffee so you can talk about what it is you hope to find at the congregation. 

One young woman told me that all she needed was that first family to sit with.  They introduced her to a couple people.  “The second time I went, I saw someone I already knew!”

You may not feel a connection in just two visits, but that’s OK, maybe you’ll go with a few  different potential friends.   

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August time

August is here and that always signals the end of summer.  That means you have just about a month to do some shopping around if you want to join a synagogue this fall.  If you want a buddy to go with you, just email me.  I’ll set it up – I have friends everywhere.

Why look for a synagogue? 

Because there can never be too many people looking out for you.  I told you that I would ask my synagogue’s women’s group to bake with me for my nephew in Iraq.  I did.  Some came to my house, some delivered cookies.  Some gave me sheets to sent to his unit (they don’t have enough), some brought me tuna packs and cup-of-soup.  Some just sat and chatted.  I got comfort, my nephew got eight boxes of goodies.  My friends did a mitzvah.  Win-win-win.

Can we understand why we are here?

Packing those boxes made me wonder, what should I be doing?  Should I quit my job and devote myself to ending war on the planet?  Should I fly to Texas to take care of his young wife and baby?  Just why am I here?  I don’t have an answer but I got some help from Rabbi Larry Raphael’s comments on last week’s Torah Portion, Masei.  What he said is eternal so I am sharing it with you:

Tradition provides ways to arrange and understand our lives, which can often be understood through the struggles and successes of our predecessors. Gradually we watch as out of our own deeds a design emerges.

Kierkegaard writes that life must be lived forward but can only be understood backward. To put the insight differently, we might recall the poignant words of Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, who writes that God speaks slowly in our lives, a syllable at a time; not until we reach the end of life can we read the sentences backward. Judaism offers us a way to understand God’s words in our lives so that they are meaningful, even eloquent.

You can speak to Rabbi Raphael yourself if you go to services at Sherith Israel in San Francisco.  Or you can email him at rabbiraphael@sherithisrael.org.

www.sherithisrael.org 

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If this is August (or late July), then the High Holy Days are near! Every year I get calls and emails asking about where to go for the High Holy Days. Pretty soon you too will be thinking about this. What if you’re not affiliated, in an interfaith relationship and thinking of attending services – what should you consider?

First, let’s look at why a person might enjoy the holidays.

Once a year (for four services) my entire congregation gathers. The babies are in one room, the little ones get checked into classes with their teachers, the teens mill around the back of the hall, and the seniors tend to sit on the right side close to the front. I am filled with the excitement. I love seeing the little ones singing. My teenager and college student will be reconnecting with friends. I visit with the seniors for lots of hugs. My best friend is saving me a seat. There sits my beloved rabbi and my cantor with the voice of an angel. The familiar mournful tunes arise. I feel a shiver of expectation. The air is electric with love and a sense of reunion.

Now let’s look at why a person might NOT enjoy the holidays.

Once a year you gather with a bunch of strangers. Who are these people!?  I had to pay for this?  The music is foreign, people are all doing the same thing – but what is it? It’s a combination of chaos and uniformity. The service is so long. Why must I fast? I’m hungry. I don’t know anyone. When does this end? The Hebrew is alien; the English is appalling – what’s all this about death and sin? I thought Jews didn’t do that whole “sin” thing.

If you have never gone to services or when you did it was no fun, you need something different. You need to use this month to do a bit of shul shopping. Find a nice group of people, a friendly place, a rabbi that will look familiar. Maybe even go to a pre-holiday service to hear the music and get to know the tunes.

Don’t drop your non-Jewish partner in the deep end of the pool. Do a little pre-holiday planning and visiting. Need help? Give me a call.

High Holidays and Ramadan September
Rosh Hashanah will fall on the evening of September 12. That also marks the beginning of Ramadan. For Jewish – Muslim families it is time to sort out the options. Feel free to give me a call if you want to talk through any concerns.

Yom Kippur will begin at sundown on September 21, a Friday. This means that Yom Kippur will fall on Shabbat – all the extra passages will be read – that means a longer service. Keep that in mind when considering your non-Jewish partner.

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Judaism is an ancient tradition with its roots in an agricultural society. So in the summer time Jews were out tending the flocks and the crops. Thus, summer lacks the plethora of holidays that we get the other nine months of the year. What to do in the summer? Well, it’s a great time to shul shop. And a great time to learn about Shabbat. Go to the synagogues near you. Introduce yourself to the rabbi. Go to the oneg after services. See how you like the music, the chanting, the people. Services will be low key and rabbis will be on vacation at some point, lay leaders will step in. Get to know the place. It was in June, lo those many years ago, that my daughter picked our synagogue. She was four years old and she picked it based on the songs that the rabbi led them on at Tot Shabbat.

For Grown Ups Only
Years ago a woman I knew, not Jewish, was feeling very blue. Life was tough, she was young and her relationship was struggling. Because she knew me, she decided to go to services at her local synagogue. Later she called me and told me about it. She said, “I cried a lot. And after services a tiny old woman came up and hugged me. All she said was, it’s hard to be young.”

Why did she go to a synagogue? Why did the old woman speak to her? Why did it help? I don’t know. I just know there is something about community, something about a spiritual moment, something about Shabbat, that can heal.

Give it a try.

Feeling shy? Want to go with someone else to services? Then you need a Shabbos buddy – that’s a member of the synagogue who meets you at the door, sits with you, explains anything you don’t understand, and introduces you to others at the oneg. Want one? Call me and I’ll get you one.

Posted by admin under Community, Finding a Synagogue, Shabbat
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